I’ve also had the same mental safe place since I was a kid. It’s remained largely unchanged. I close my eyes, and always end up on the edge of a river with a small waterfall and high rock faces nearby. And someone, it depends on what I’m thinking through, emerges from the water like they’re stepping through the curtains on a stage. They’re not even wet most of the time (hey, it’s fantasy). What you said about having to earn it by walking up the hill also rang similar; for me, no one arrives until I settle on the right rock. 🤷♀️
Hi Esme. I just wrote about this in my newsletter, Live a Fulfilling Life. Thank you for your writing (today and every day) I used a visualization of a frozen mountain lake to get through some medical scans a couple of years ago. I’m a long time figure skater, so I conjured a realistic scene where I skate for miles, enjoying all the sensations of skating on a natural lake. Unconsciously, I visualized a scene of a real place that I must have seen in pictures. I think it’s Lake Louise in Canada. I need to get there someday! I’m new to Substack, so I don’t know if it’s cool to share a link to my article, but check it out if you have a minute. Best, Amanda
More and more, I think a sense of safety is the foundation of all human flourishing. I've shifted the goal of couples work from making each other happy to making each other feel safe. Game changer. I'm grateful for these practical ideas for cultivating a sense of safety in ourselves, even when the world around us isn't cooperating.
Esme just want to say I have just finished reading The Border of Paradise which is on a huge waiting list at my library. The writing is exquisite and I could not let go of the characters. Thank you for sharing your talent with us. The theme of safe space looming large.
Oh wow, thank you so much. I worry that no one reads that book because the second one was so much more popular, but it makes me very happy to hear that there’s a wait at the library! I’m grateful!
Esme, I don't know when I followed you but this beautiful nugget of wisdom found my when I truly needed it.
My son died last summer and living with the grief is full of fresh pains. Lately, I've been having another bout of insomnia. I've been having issues falling asleep because my mind keeps bringing up images and memories of his death. It's impossible to sleep when haunted by such a traumatic moment. Last night I remembered reading about your safe space and thought it might be a tool that could serve me too.
I imagined a large oak tree by a pond with a picnic blanket underneath, sitting with my back against its trunk. I pictured my son there, head laying in my lap. His hair in the long baby mullet that was his first hairstyle - I would twist the hairs on the nape of his neck while he was nursing. In my safe place he is dozing peacefully in my lap and I'm twirling the hair on the nape of his neck.
I am so sorry about the loss of your son, and I am glad that you’ve been able to conjure a safe place that includes him. Thank you so much for sharing this. And I will be thinking of you.
I have what might be a silly question about Rawness of Remembering ... is it a book, journal or both? Do you actually write in it, or is it a guide to be completed with a separate journal? Thanks!
I’ve also had the same mental safe place since I was a kid. It’s remained largely unchanged. I close my eyes, and always end up on the edge of a river with a small waterfall and high rock faces nearby. And someone, it depends on what I’m thinking through, emerges from the water like they’re stepping through the curtains on a stage. They’re not even wet most of the time (hey, it’s fantasy). What you said about having to earn it by walking up the hill also rang similar; for me, no one arrives until I settle on the right rock. 🤷♀️
I love this so much and I feel lucky that you shared it. Thank you.
Hi Esme. I just wrote about this in my newsletter, Live a Fulfilling Life. Thank you for your writing (today and every day) I used a visualization of a frozen mountain lake to get through some medical scans a couple of years ago. I’m a long time figure skater, so I conjured a realistic scene where I skate for miles, enjoying all the sensations of skating on a natural lake. Unconsciously, I visualized a scene of a real place that I must have seen in pictures. I think it’s Lake Louise in Canada. I need to get there someday! I’m new to Substack, so I don’t know if it’s cool to share a link to my article, but check it out if you have a minute. Best, Amanda
Oh, amazing! I’ll have a look. And yes, medical exams—I definitely use my safe place to get through medical scans, and I love the story behind yours.
More and more, I think a sense of safety is the foundation of all human flourishing. I've shifted the goal of couples work from making each other happy to making each other feel safe. Game changer. I'm grateful for these practical ideas for cultivating a sense of safety in ourselves, even when the world around us isn't cooperating.
Esme just want to say I have just finished reading The Border of Paradise which is on a huge waiting list at my library. The writing is exquisite and I could not let go of the characters. Thank you for sharing your talent with us. The theme of safe space looming large.
Oh wow, thank you so much. I worry that no one reads that book because the second one was so much more popular, but it makes me very happy to hear that there’s a wait at the library! I’m grateful!
Esme, I don't know when I followed you but this beautiful nugget of wisdom found my when I truly needed it.
My son died last summer and living with the grief is full of fresh pains. Lately, I've been having another bout of insomnia. I've been having issues falling asleep because my mind keeps bringing up images and memories of his death. It's impossible to sleep when haunted by such a traumatic moment. Last night I remembered reading about your safe space and thought it might be a tool that could serve me too.
I imagined a large oak tree by a pond with a picnic blanket underneath, sitting with my back against its trunk. I pictured my son there, head laying in my lap. His hair in the long baby mullet that was his first hairstyle - I would twist the hairs on the nape of his neck while he was nursing. In my safe place he is dozing peacefully in my lap and I'm twirling the hair on the nape of his neck.
What a gift this safe place is - thank you.
I am so sorry about the loss of your son, and I am glad that you’ve been able to conjure a safe place that includes him. Thank you so much for sharing this. And I will be thinking of you.
Thanks Esme. I am thinking of you daily when I find my safe space.
For whatever reason my safe space is on a specific day on a specific bus pulling into campus when I was college. I have no idea why but it works
I love that so much. It’s so specific and perfect, and I can imagine why it’s comforting.
Safe place. An important theme in my life. Thank you for giving it voice and bringing it to us.
I have what might be a silly question about Rawness of Remembering ... is it a book, journal or both? Do you actually write in it, or is it a guide to be completed with a separate journal? Thanks!
It’s a book with activities and lessons in it. The idea is to start or continue your own journal with what you learn in it. ❤️ I hope that helps!
Absolutely!
What is your safe place?