I also struggle with some similar sleeping issues. I frequently turn on a bedside lamp or bigger light depending on the fear level that night. It comes and goes for me too; in periods of stress I get little quality sleep and struggle with some nighttime paranoia and high anxiety and sensory sensitivites. If I have a fan on it helps drown out ambient noises that I'm sensitive to, but ear plugs don't work - they make me more anxious due to not being able to know if there's something my brain feels is scary. I hope anyone here with similar things going on for them knows they're not alone from reading your story, as I felt.
It's tough. I agree that these things come in phases or waves too, that's been my experience at least. I hope you come through yours soon and get some good sleep and more peace ❤️
Thank you <3 Yes and no - I haven't been diagnosed formally with PTSD, but there are definitely concrete events that led to the sleeping issues (beyond being a light sleeper and sensory sensitivities). I unfortunately wasn't able to identify the connection between them until adulthood, though, so I think it would have been impossible to get a diagnosis as a younger person.
Maybe that sounds strange, but my coping strategies leaned towards toughness and independence when I was younger, so there was a lot of burying in the service of what I thought was letting go or being bigger/tough than what happened. It got worse and then better when I was able to link things up again, but it still comes out quite a bit under stress.
Of course the sleep deprivation never helps stress. I think I've gotten a little better at knowing how to tolerate my frustration when these things happen, but it can be so hard when you're exhausted (especially not just at night but during the daytime too).
Forgot to add - I sleep alone too. As an extremely light sleeper, it's very hard to get any restful sleep next to someone else. I miss the closeness of touch and comfort from being next to someone, but I also know that works best for me right now.
I relate to this as well - for me it's sleeping alone. I can't convince my body I'm safe - trauma response is too strong and no amount of self-soothing or therapy or breathing has helped (much). Sigh sigh.
I relate to this so strongly. Some nights are just nights that i can't sleep with someone else in the room. It's completely understandable, though. Sending love.
Relating to this as well. I hope your comfort snacks at least get you through the day. To be honest, when I feel down and want some comfort— I’ll usually get a bubble tea because it’s a core memory of mine. My spouse hates the tapioca pearls, but has indulged in my delight for little treats enough to grab something with me 🥹
was feeling shitty and then read this and it turns out that we are feeling shitty in the same way at the same time, thanks for making me feel less lonely
Oh, please try the radishes with butter! You slice the raw radishes, put a tiny bit of butter on them, and sprinkle when salt. And I send my love to you and your husband; cancer is a beast, and when it touches your life you realize it touches everyone else’s too, in some way.
I relate a lot to this - thank you for sharing ❤️
I also struggle with some similar sleeping issues. I frequently turn on a bedside lamp or bigger light depending on the fear level that night. It comes and goes for me too; in periods of stress I get little quality sleep and struggle with some nighttime paranoia and high anxiety and sensory sensitivites. If I have a fan on it helps drown out ambient noises that I'm sensitive to, but ear plugs don't work - they make me more anxious due to not being able to know if there's something my brain feels is scary. I hope anyone here with similar things going on for them knows they're not alone from reading your story, as I felt.
It's tough. I agree that these things come in phases or waves too, that's been my experience at least. I hope you come through yours soon and get some good sleep and more peace ❤️
I am here and I hear you. Are your sleep issues also PTSD related?
Thank you <3 Yes and no - I haven't been diagnosed formally with PTSD, but there are definitely concrete events that led to the sleeping issues (beyond being a light sleeper and sensory sensitivities). I unfortunately wasn't able to identify the connection between them until adulthood, though, so I think it would have been impossible to get a diagnosis as a younger person.
Maybe that sounds strange, but my coping strategies leaned towards toughness and independence when I was younger, so there was a lot of burying in the service of what I thought was letting go or being bigger/tough than what happened. It got worse and then better when I was able to link things up again, but it still comes out quite a bit under stress.
Of course the sleep deprivation never helps stress. I think I've gotten a little better at knowing how to tolerate my frustration when these things happen, but it can be so hard when you're exhausted (especially not just at night but during the daytime too).
Forgot to add - I sleep alone too. As an extremely light sleeper, it's very hard to get any restful sleep next to someone else. I miss the closeness of touch and comfort from being next to someone, but I also know that works best for me right now.
I stay up too late sometimes, afraid to sleep because of the nightmares I know will come. Wish our brains would give us a break.
I want to make a t-shirt that says "I wish my brain would give me a break," lol
I relate to this as well - for me it's sleeping alone. I can't convince my body I'm safe - trauma response is too strong and no amount of self-soothing or therapy or breathing has helped (much). Sigh sigh.
I relate to this so strongly. Some nights are just nights that i can't sleep with someone else in the room. It's completely understandable, though. Sending love.
Relating to this as well. I hope your comfort snacks at least get you through the day. To be honest, when I feel down and want some comfort— I’ll usually get a bubble tea because it’s a core memory of mine. My spouse hates the tapioca pearls, but has indulged in my delight for little treats enough to grab something with me 🥹
Comfort snacks are really lovely, aren’t they? I didn’t use to eat snacks, but now that I eat smaller meals, I really love the joy of a good snack.
was feeling shitty and then read this and it turns out that we are feeling shitty in the same way at the same time, thanks for making me feel less lonely
*heart-hugs*
Ugh, I’m so sorry E—I wish the nightmares would let you be. I am sending a warm hug and heaps and bundles of love, for whatever it’s worth 💕
Thank you so much, dear one. I miss you!
Oh, please try the radishes with butter! You slice the raw radishes, put a tiny bit of butter on them, and sprinkle when salt. And I send my love to you and your husband; cancer is a beast, and when it touches your life you realize it touches everyone else’s too, in some way.