“While waiting, time warps. Minutes distort through a fish-eye lens—sometimes unbearably slow, sometimes swift.” - this is the most relatable feeling.
I process a lot of “waiting” in my own writing. As a foster/adoptive parent, our lives feel like they are always in a “waiting” space. Waiting for: children to come/go; court dates; big decisions; an important change; a meeting; . . . never-ending.
This is a good post for me to feel seen in my waiting. Thanks for writing it and putting it out into the world.
Waiting to hear back from med schools, a friend of mine has challenged herself to check her email only once per hour between 9am and 5pm. She says it helps keep the waiting-noise at bay, and I'm in awe of her discipline; waiting for a response on my own grad school applications, feedback on submissions, and, and, and, I find myself refreshing my inbox far more frequently than is sensible—certainly far more frequently than once per hour. Finding productive, soul-refreshing ways to trick my brain into forgetting that we're waiting for anything (like exploring my new journal—thank you for the Sterlling Ink rec!) isn't always possible, as you say, but it does feel great when it is. <3
Anticipatory anxiety is sometimes a friend of mine, too, Esme! Thank you for writing this clear, beautiful description of it, and how to live well with it. Waiting does distort time, for sure.
"Because part of the worst part of waiting is the anxious spiraling—the obsessive interpretation of small details and the conviction of my complex PTSD that if I'm vigilant enough, I can not only decipher the future before it arrives—I can yank it back from becoming a catastrophe." wow. feeling a little less insane and a lot less anxious being able to comprehend this in someone else's words. thank you<3
Oh my gosh, I needed that. I need this whole thing. I'm saving this to come back to when I my anxiety spirals that I'm wasting time. Thank you for this. So much.
Waiting IS mental labor. Thank you for writing that and sharing. When I read it, the metaphorical lightbulb switched on. Recognizing the labor reminds me that it’s normal to feel restless or obsessed or distracted, flip-flopping between outcomes, brain fog, whatever. Right now I’m waiting to see a friend in a few days, for a medical procedure (really the clarity/health it might bring), for a safe flight and another. And yet as you said. a lot of life happens in between. For as long as we live, we will be waiting/anticipating something. Now I’m curious how this knowledge will affect me the next time I’m lost in waiting. 💕
Wow, this couldn't have hit my inbox at a better time. I've been thinking about "Waiting" and what happens in between for a while. Especially resonant this week as I "wait" to recover from the flu (it's a bad season folks, get vaccinated) and think about what I do in the meantime (obsessively refreshing my email, check.... watch some bravo show, check). In a way, life is what happens when we're waiting. It's a hard thing to balance being in the present waiting and having your brain be pulled into the future when the waiting will be "over," but chances are I'll be waiting for something else then.
I'm sure I'll reread this piece a bunch, thanks for sharing Esmé 💛
I love the short telling of the fairy tale and the witch. Witch figures are beguilingly, wonderfully ambiguous, and like in a photographic negative, they teach us a deeply positive crone wisdom that you summon.
wow thank you for the link share for my piece :') Ty of Sitting Queerly and I recently published a collaborative post called "Waiting on the Periphery." It also talks about waiting as an active process and how queerness adds another layer to that experience! here's the link for anyone interested <3
“While waiting, time warps. Minutes distort through a fish-eye lens—sometimes unbearably slow, sometimes swift.” - this is the most relatable feeling.
I process a lot of “waiting” in my own writing. As a foster/adoptive parent, our lives feel like they are always in a “waiting” space. Waiting for: children to come/go; court dates; big decisions; an important change; a meeting; . . . never-ending.
This is a good post for me to feel seen in my waiting. Thanks for writing it and putting it out into the world.
Waiting to hear back from med schools, a friend of mine has challenged herself to check her email only once per hour between 9am and 5pm. She says it helps keep the waiting-noise at bay, and I'm in awe of her discipline; waiting for a response on my own grad school applications, feedback on submissions, and, and, and, I find myself refreshing my inbox far more frequently than is sensible—certainly far more frequently than once per hour. Finding productive, soul-refreshing ways to trick my brain into forgetting that we're waiting for anything (like exploring my new journal—thank you for the Sterlling Ink rec!) isn't always possible, as you say, but it does feel great when it is. <3
Anticipatory anxiety is sometimes a friend of mine, too, Esme! Thank you for writing this clear, beautiful description of it, and how to live well with it. Waiting does distort time, for sure.
"Because part of the worst part of waiting is the anxious spiraling—the obsessive interpretation of small details and the conviction of my complex PTSD that if I'm vigilant enough, I can not only decipher the future before it arrives—I can yank it back from becoming a catastrophe." wow. feeling a little less insane and a lot less anxious being able to comprehend this in someone else's words. thank you<3
Oh my gosh, I needed that. I need this whole thing. I'm saving this to come back to when I my anxiety spirals that I'm wasting time. Thank you for this. So much.
Waiting IS mental labor. Thank you for writing that and sharing. When I read it, the metaphorical lightbulb switched on. Recognizing the labor reminds me that it’s normal to feel restless or obsessed or distracted, flip-flopping between outcomes, brain fog, whatever. Right now I’m waiting to see a friend in a few days, for a medical procedure (really the clarity/health it might bring), for a safe flight and another. And yet as you said. a lot of life happens in between. For as long as we live, we will be waiting/anticipating something. Now I’m curious how this knowledge will affect me the next time I’m lost in waiting. 💕
Between these comments, I journaled about what bothered me, and feel much better (not surprisingly).
So timely- thank you for this!!!
Wow, this couldn't have hit my inbox at a better time. I've been thinking about "Waiting" and what happens in between for a while. Especially resonant this week as I "wait" to recover from the flu (it's a bad season folks, get vaccinated) and think about what I do in the meantime (obsessively refreshing my email, check.... watch some bravo show, check). In a way, life is what happens when we're waiting. It's a hard thing to balance being in the present waiting and having your brain be pulled into the future when the waiting will be "over," but chances are I'll be waiting for something else then.
I'm sure I'll reread this piece a bunch, thanks for sharing Esmé 💛
I love the short telling of the fairy tale and the witch. Witch figures are beguilingly, wonderfully ambiguous, and like in a photographic negative, they teach us a deeply positive crone wisdom that you summon.
wow thank you for the link share for my piece :') Ty of Sitting Queerly and I recently published a collaborative post called "Waiting on the Periphery." It also talks about waiting as an active process and how queerness adds another layer to that experience! here's the link for anyone interested <3
https://open.substack.com/pub/hearthandsun/p/waiting-on-the-periphery?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=1t7ygr